Shrouded in stress, despair, confusion, teenage angst, I was facing boredom with drugs and other temporary forms of release. To solve this boredom I turned to yet another temporary release; sex. I let someone have the most vulnerable and intimate part of my life, who wouldn’t give it a second thought when he slid my head off his chest in the midst of the night to continue his juvenile affairs. When he would leave my house that night, he would not appreciate me; the sides of his mouth wouldn’t curl upwards when contemplating me, I would be a mere sexual excitement who gets him hard when reminiscing, which would also be a rarity. It was loathsome, how someone so intelligent, could make themselves an object. I wasn’t angry with him. It was completely instigated by me; I was distraught by the actions I impetuously partook in one lonely night originating from desolation. The most repulsive part was that I was very cognizant of its evanescent nature. I was a sixteen year old girl reeking of sweat differentiating from my own and the need for companionship. It was an obscure thought – how one hour of physical pleasure could cause such mental distress. I have had casual sex before, but it wasn’t even closely synonymous to this. The casual sex before was caused by hormones, but this tryst was caused by loneliness and a pathetic attempt to find solace. What I learned, unfortunately the hard way, is that solace cannot be obtained by giving yourself to someone who doesn’t deserve it, it is obtained by realizing your importance.



Filed under Personal, philosophy, Sex

15 responses to “Sex.

  1. There is no long paragraph that can summarize how well put this was, and the fact that you can base it all on experience….
    In one word I can sum this up: Amazing.

  2. Come to lvbm center and maybe we can help you learn some practice that will help you find a solace that will always be there for you based on what you can do every day. Thanks for the follow and like!

  3. I just wanted to say that — though short — this was one hell of a read. You’re a fantastic writer. Feel free to follow me here:

  4. James

    Well put. That is the challenge for both sexes, to make something special, something magical and not become an object in the process. Mind, body and soul should not be given away to frivolity, or boredom, or voids too often to where the essence of self may become lost in its addiction and short term satisfactions. Complex, awesome read.

    • Yes, the sanctity of sex is being destroyed and I would be hypocritical if I said I wasn’t a part of it. People, and I was included in this, view sex so nonchalantly and it shouldn’t be like that at all.

  5. I love your insightfulness and honestly with this post.
    Been reading through your other posts and all I can say is: NEVER stop writing (or thinking) You have a remarkable gift. Don’t be too discouraged by the mundane world you find yourself in, I know you are destined for bigger things!

    • Thank you! It is so nice to be appreciated, and I was getting a bit discouraged thinking that no one was reading what I wrote. I’m glad someone likes my writing!

      • You are an awesome writer. you should consider submitting some pieces to as many publishers as possible. You don’t have to have a book, submit some of your posts for printing in monthly publications.

        I would bet even some of the “teen’ magazines (i know, don’t gag or roll your eyes would be willing to print some of your thoughts – though you would definitely hav to make the vocabulary more “user friendly” for such an audience. Not that I am implying teens are illiterate, but you write at a level that is beyond even many ‘educated’ adults levels.
        you should think about it. Really.

      • Wow, having someone suggest publication really means so much. I have wanted to publicize my writing lately, hence the blog. I’ve researched different local places to publish it, and I thoroughly plan on actualizing my dreams of surfacing my writing to the public. This nudge was just what I needed, thank you!

  6. YGT

    sex is a tricky thing. I’m not a romantic, so I don’t believe in the sanctity of sex. It’s merely a physical thing that people enjoy. Beyond sex however there is something special, the harmony of spirit along with that of the body, that exists beyond the act itself. It’s quite normal to search for that, even if it results in empty sex. It’s not a vulgarity, merely an exploration, wherein one can learn more about themselves. It may not always be positive, but hopefully it can be something that can help you become yourself.

  7. But nothing more sexual than an intelligent attractive beauty, so my hat is off to you and whoever you are dating….that is ONE LUCKY MAN!

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